The Morning After

Oopsies! It simply doesn’t bode well for the day when you find yourself yelling ‘STOP BEHAVING LIKE BLOODY CHILDREN’ – at the children! And it’s not even 9 a.m. So things can only get better, right? Good, then. Ashamedly, it reminds me of the time I yelled at poor Chris to stop whining and grow up! I think he was three years old at the time! What a bad parent I am. I often wonder how my children made it this far. They must be very resilient.

Of course, in terms of today, I could lean on the old ‘I’m tired’ excuse – and attempt to get away with murder, what with a late night and all that. Sad, isn’t it? It wasn’t even that late – but anything after 10 p.m. seems to be classed as a late night these days. God, I’m getting old. When Karim woke this morning I tried to tell him that I’d been to the gym and come back to bed afterwards.

He didn’t believe me.

I think he’s forgiven me for last night. Not that I did anything wrong – except include him in the invitation and force him to come along with me to the Weight Watchers Christmas dinner dance. Boy, was he dreading it, but you can’t blame him, can you? I can only imagine the pictures he had in his head at what a ‘Weight Watchers Christmas dinner’ might entail. I’m happy to report that he survived the occasion and even went so far as to have fun!! Not least because he was sitting beside the gorgeous Laura all evening (and I have to include plenty of praise for Laura, who organized every detail all on her own).

Now – to be clear, we – the Weight Watchers leaders and partners – weren’t the only people in the room. We just had a few tables. The rest were occupied by hairdressers, bankers, opticians (I couldn’t see where they were!) and even gymnasts, who yes, indeed, caused some hilarity by starting a trend of squirming through the centre-table decoration in hulahoop fashion – a trend that willing participants at other tables tried to emulate, to varying degrees of success (or not). And no, I wasn’t one of them. For the rest, it was all terribly well-behaved. Only one bottle of wine got thrown across our table – and fortunately it was white wine so it didn’t affect my consumption LOL – and the butter only landed in my wine glass ONCE! Can you believe that? How lucky was I! (OK – don’t ask!)

The highlight of the night, though, was definitely the moment when the dance music (did I say ‘music’? Yep! Definitely getting old) started up. Well, a couples ‘do’ it may have been, but I tell you skirts were ripped, toes lacerated with stilletoes and boobs did their best to escape captivity in the stampede to the dance floor as soon as that first number started up – and all the men left looking abandoned and bemused, mid-sentence and still sitting at their tables. It was fascinating.

And then, of course, it was the best time of evening. You know, when you turn your chair around and get the chance to properly sit and people-watch? My word! How many people in this world not only have no mirrors but NO FRIENDS!!! Granted, I have to say that unlike the party I was at the previous week, I really only spotted about three completely friendless ladies in indescribably badly-chosen clothing. I’m sure they were probably saying the same about me – although maybe not. They were probably nice people – unlike me!! And whereas the previous week it took me several minutes to spot even one person on the dance floor who wasn’t grossly overweight, it was actually very comforting to see so many people simply looking gorgeous and having a great time. There was only one lady in the room who, I have to admit, you couldn’t have missed even if you’d tried. But you know what? She was so noticeably comfortable in herself that you couldn’t even make politically incorrect jokes about her. Naturally, being a Weight Watchers leader, we do tend to spot people who really need help. That’s our job! But this lady didn’t and it was really quite humbling. Now … I’ve had to delete the rest of this paragraph because it might have been taken up quite the wrong way. Very deep water and all that …

Karim hates these forcibly-thrown-together evenings, but I have to admit that from my perspective this was one that was extremely stress-free and it was a lovely opportunity to catch up with a few faces that I hadn’t seen for several weeks/months. More applause for Laura. Thank you. (And ladies – you looked STUNNING!!!)

Oh – and Dawn? Don’t think I didn’t see your jaw drop as you spotted those stilettos! Yep! I saw them, too. Amazing, weren’t they?

Now … Oh my goodness! Look at the time! It’s LUNCHTIME! Yay!