I will not be beaten …

I will NOT be beaten at the first bloomin’ hurdle, I say. Argh! I hate this, I hate this, I HATE this! Sometimes I just wish I was one of those people who hated exercise and was content to sick on my backside all day playing ‘slob’ and not caring about anything in the world. But I’m not one of them! I’ve always been active and always been competitive. I thought I’d lost that competitive edge but apparently it keeps creeping up in conversation and I have quite a reputation. What I can’t cope with, though, is the lack of being able to do anything about it! Yes, my competition days are over. I’ve got used to that idea. I think. Sort of. I still find it so bloody hard to deal with. Middle-age, menopausal compromises are so far from my ‘world’. I struggle to know that when I run my goal has had to change from wanting to win to doing everything I can not to come last! I suppose I should be happy to be running at all … so many people worse off than me blah blah blah. Yep! Plenty of time for all that sentimental and charitable stuff later. Sorry. Not feeling charitable today. I’ve got some big challenges set up for myself this year that are going to take a whole lot of uncompromising commitment … and what am I doing today? Am I out training? No. Why? Because my bloody middle-aged menopausal knees have said NOOOOOOOO!!! I hate it! Jeez, I really do. I know I’m ranting but for God’s sake, it’s the only thing I want to do and I feel it’s really undeserved!! Wallowing in self-pity, that’s what I’m doing today. I’m having a rest day. I thought that maybe I could keep the kilometres ticking over by walking them – but no, my knee just isn’t right and really quite painful, so I’m taking a day off – maybe even two. I won’t do nothing, though. I’ve got a session of glute and abductor-strengthening exercises planned. Got to do something. My 2012 challenges might already be slipping away from me (because a couple of weeks off just isn’t an option, unfortunately, if I realistically want to complete them) but I WILL NOT BE BEATEN!! I’ll find a way. Going to find a gym now with a Concept 2 rowing machine … I’ll get those kilometres done one way or another! Apologies for the rant. I feel better now. Thx. I just can’t do this getting-old stuff.